Susan Hodgin

What a tragic loss.  Susan Hodgin passed away on August 22 2014 at the young age of 36 after a long battle with colon cancer. She was hands down the best instructor I ever had at Indiana Art Center. Her paintings were so large and layered; they literally loomed. This very tiny gal created enormous works of abstract art.

She was also one one the most humble persons I'd ever met. She had half the front gallery at IAC filled with her paintings during one class session and she never even mentioned it. 

Via the ever helpful internets, I was able to find a couple of interesting articles about her. One old friend posted this story about a younger Susan and Mother Artist Project did a feature on Susan. The pics in the last article capture the Susan I remember; those enormous colorful paintings and and those oh so sensible boots. 

Update: Last Friday at Harrison Art Center featured Susan's paintings in the Underground Gallery. Her style had clearly changed considerably. The canvases were smaller and the colors are a bit more muted, but they still possess that incredible sense of depth and power. 

Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall and Jay Adams

I never really ever got to see a full episode of Mork and Mindy. I had graduated from high school in the middle of its run and spent my time working during the day at a crap job and hanging out with friends at night; we didn't sit around and watch the telly. I caught a glimpse or two of the series at other folk's houses. I remember thinking Robin looked cute in his rainbow suspenders. Oddly enough, Robin evolved into more of an actor rather than a comedian.

I decided it was high time to re-watch The Fisher King again. I was afraid the experience would end uplike most of the formerly "edgy for their time" moves I've re-watched; I'd be disappointed and I'd see right through all the trickery that once dazzled me. Oh, was I wrong. It was like watching The Fisher King for the first time and…. oh……the transformation of Manhattan into a Medieval-esc village just makes my heart sing. The Chinese restaurant date scene is just so beautiful. The entire cast is spot on. Every scene had me looking around at objects and dust and oh man - the attention to detail in the matters is oh so Terry G. Don't even think about getting me started talking about the Red Knight. *swoon* I've added The Fisher King to my very short list of movies I could watch over and over again.

I cannot imagine what Bogart thought when he met Bacall for the first time. She is just so pretty, even by today's standards. She is simply stunning. I can't imagine what Bacall must've thought when she met Bogart for the first time. Interestingly enough, he was married at the time, but has I always say - you can't fight pheromones. He must've been one heck of a character to be around. She do doubt could've had her pick of the Hollywood Hunk litter, but chose Bogey instead.

Her acting style, what few films I've seen her in, seems to be playing these beautiful yet cold characters. Her characters are somewhat aloof, which I guess makes for a much more interesting character profile when you look like that and yet seem so detached. Dang!

I remember seeing skateboard magazines in the local drug stores when I was a kid. These California tan kids with summer sun highlights in their hair graced the pages of these rags. They looked like some sort of alien life form from some endless summer beach town planet. They even made tube socks look cool.  C. R. Stecyk III's stunning photography perfectly captured the poetry in motion. This link is a wee bit macho, but it has great pics of Jay. 

Lords of Dogtown also makes the short list of movies I can watch again and again. I cannot get enough of that 70's stuff.

Jay Adams didn't grab the corporate sponsor coat tails like the rest of the Z-boys even though he was arguably one of the best skaters. RIP Jay.

Headhunters

Introducing himself in voice over narration, Roger Brown (Anskel Hennie) is a very smug CEO-level recruiter (headhunter). He has a very beautiful Nordic trophy wife Diana (Synnove Macody Lund), a mistress on the side, and a modernistic jaw dropping house. In order to finance this extravagant life style, Roger is a part-time art thief. Everything changes when Clas (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) shows up at Diana's art gallery opening and Roger decides Clas would be perfect for a job opening he's been trying to fill. Things go horribly awry in fairly short order. Roger goes from smug shithead to scared shitless in about sixty seconds.

Headhunters is a clever Norwegian comedic thriller based on Jo Nesbo's best-selling novel.  My eyes were all over place trying to pick out the artifacts that make up life in Norway and I just couldn't get enough of local fauna. However, don't pick at the plot details. It's not a movie that takes itself seriously - relax. This film careens along and I must say, everything I thought I had figured out turned out to be wrong.

Ode to James Garner (and the 70's)

RIP James G. My version of James was  Jim Rockford; Jim drove a bitchin' gold Pontiac Firebird and he tried to make a buck as a PI. Admittedly, The Rockford Files was pretty good TV for the 70's.

The phone messages at the beginning of every episode were a hoot. Nice touch.

I watched the first episode - The Kirkoff Case today. It was chic-a-block full of all the goodness of the the 70's had to offer. Seriously, in one single episode you get to see a grumpy doberman pincher, a old time photography dark room, a swinging tennis club, a dude in a cowboy hat, a cop or two with serious pattern baldness, and a kick ass car chase scene on a golf course.

I'm probably going to watch a few more episodes. Thank you, James!

Ida

Ida is a stunning film by Polish director Pawel Pawlikowski. A week before she is to take her vows to become a nun, Ana is told that she must meet with her only surviving relative, aunt Wanda, a woman she has never met. Reluctantly, Ana agrees, only to be told by Wanda that Ana is actually an orphan named Ida and her parents were killed in WW II.

Ida/Ana and Wanda set out to find the actual location where her parents are buried. Both of them reveal a bit about themselves as the journey progresses. It's 1962 and this film looks as if it was actually filmed in a Polish village in 1962.

The cinematography is breath taking. Filmed in 4:3 aspect ratio this movie looks more like photographs from a bygone era than a film. 

I am so delighted that in an age of endless super hero movies there are people out there crafting worthy cinema.

Surfwise

The film follows Doc Paskowitz as he dragged his 9 children and wife around the world in a non-stop surf's up pursuit of being a better man/surfer. In 1956 he gave up a very lucrative medical practice in Hawaii, money is the root of all evil by the way, to enjoy surfing day in, day out with his wife and soon to be 9 children.

They get about in a series of beat camper vans, the kids aren't allowed to attend normal school, and mom must breast feed each child a minimum of two years. The documentary also shows how adult kids struggle today to deal with the after math of such a stringently healthy-eating (daily morning gruel) and nomadic lifestyle.

This is a fascinating film to watch. There is a lot of stock footage from the family's 70's early travels. It's  not quite as simple as one man's ego trumps everyone else's needs - which of course is part of the problem. It's a very frank film. The kids talk about holding their ears when they heard their parents having sex every night. This is a reality checker for me. Doc says he wants to be a better man/father, but at the end of the day, he'd rather surf and shag - family be damned.

The Snowtown Murders

The Snowtown Murders is one of those rare three-headed baby movies: I know I shouldn't stare, but I can't take my eye off it. Masterfully directed by Justin Kurzel. Almost everyone in this film is a first timer including director Justin Kurzel. One of the few "vet" actors, Daniel Henshall makes the charismatic John Bunting a farther figure who manipulates those who look to him for guidance. That is really an understatement.  This movie makes No Country for Old Men look like an episode of The Monkees.

The phrase "the banality of evil" is quite appropriate here. Single mom Lizzie lives in a bleak, forgotten suburb with four teenage boys. She's just dumped a not-so-great man friend and the mind numbingly boring days stretch on. Enter John Bunting. The food gets better; bacon and even snow peas are common place. Oddly enough, John seems to always have a hearty appetite.  Birthday parties at the skating rink, ice cream and a macabre bag of tricks.  Ariel Castro showed us that a seemingly normal guy can live a disturbing and sinister other life right under everyone's nose. John Bunting is such a bloke.

Do not be mistaken; this is a disturbing film to watch.  There aren't a lot of difficult scenes, but the  unspeakable events in those scenes, and trust me, I couldn't watch the entire scene in some cases are so raw and real. This isn't gratuitous violence either. I think the world needs to see John Bunting's violence for what is was. He didn't act alone. I think this is the most disturbing thing for me - he managed to not only get 2 other blokes in the 'hood to help out, but also managed to get 16 year old Jamie Vlassaski to join in on the torture and killing of friends and relatives.

The sound track is disturbing in its own right; a staccato track of scratches and scrapes that mimic the victim's time in the tub. Justin Kurzel gets the details right - junk cars with ripped seats, outdoor ash trays sitting in the rain, and cheap, thin torn wall paper.

Watch…because you must. Don't blame me if you can't stop.

Gilda and Yasujiro Ozu's Good Morning

I must admit, I had no idea that Rita Hayworth was that beautiful. Honestly, I could not imagine being that atractive. While Gilda is not a great movie (by any stretch of anyone's imagination), it is a time capsule of Rita's stunning beauty. And, no, that's not her singing that famous song that will stick in your craw for the next couple of day.

Glen Ford stars as Johnny - cuckold on a string if you ask me.

Yasujiro Ozu's Good Morning is a peek into suburban Tokyo life in 1959 as a pair of adorable boys decide they will do anything to get a television. There's gossip, sales men, and awkward neighbor interactions. My eyes were all over the interior scenes - discarded Japanese beer boxes as storage and the ever ubiquitous rice cooker. Families lived uncomfortably close by Western standards, in very small condos, but after dinner…swoon…folks would sit around and read.

Someone Else - Pravada

Pravada is one of my fav local bands. Jesse Lee's singing/songwriting is quite Ray Davies-esc. Jesse's Bambi-eyed wife can be seen in the video peering through the bars on the jail cell and in the line up.

Hitchcock

I watched Hitchcock the other night, despite all the bad reviews I'd read about it. The movie is based on the non-fiction book Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho. Fresh from the success of North by Northwest, the studios want more of the same. The movie follows Hitchcock (Sir Anthony Hopkins freakishly absorbs Hitchcock) and his wife Alma (Dame Helen Mirren shines) as they struggle to bring Psycho to life. They put up $800,000 of their own money and in order to further pinch pennies, they must use the crew who filmed the TV series. 

A very strong cast rounds out the rest of the film. Toni Collette is Peggy Robertson, Hitch's trusted assistant, Scarlett Johansson sizzles as Janet Leigh, and James D'Arcy is a dead ringer as a young Anthony Perkins. The only fly in the ointment is Jessica Biel as Vera Miles; she seemed asleep at the wheel most of the time.

My fav parts of the movie were the bits about their day to day life. I paused at the refrigerator scene. Oh my godz - what would Hitch (as he let his intimates call him) like to snack on? 

Another aspect of the film that really appealed to me was the the constant jealousy of associates this creative pair seemed to have with each other. I thought it was cute and refreshing. Instead of uber hottie jealously, you had real people jealous of their spouse's time spent with co-workers. Alma was jealous of Hitch's attention to leading ladies and Hitch was jealous of Alma's time spent with creative writing buddy Whitfield Cook. 

I want to read the book now; it's at the top of my required summer reading list.

Stray Dog and Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me

I've wanted to see Stray Dog for quite some time. I've always regretted missing the 35 mm film showing at IMA a couple of years ago. Akira Kurosawa's gorgeously shot film noir master piece staring two of his most esteemed actors: Toshiro Mifune and Takashi Shimura. During a heat wave that envelops Tokyo (there are fans galore both manual and electric) rookie cop Murakami loses his gun (a Colt) on a trolley to a pickpocket. The gun turns up in a series of shootings and Murakami must find the gun before others are killed.

Guilt ridden Murakami teams up with detective Sato to canvas the city and thus the ultimate mismatched partners film noir is born. Toshiro and Takashi are magic together. I must say it is refreshing to see them both out of samurai clothing and in something contemporary.

Akira is a master film maker. Murakami and Sato pursue leads through the sweltering streets of Tokyo. 

Every scene is beautifully framed. 

And now for something completely different….

Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me is a documentary about a band from Memphis who never made it big; a  real life Almost Famous, if you will. These guys had it all - the looks and the hooks and the record deal, but fate was dealing for the house (yes, I am rolling my eyes on that one). You are no doubt familiar with lead singer Alex Chilton. At the ancient age of sixteen he was the blue eyed soul singer of "The Letter". Their first album titled #1 Record was a hit with the critics but due to legal problems at Stax Records the album did not make into stores.

This documentary left me feeling nothing for these guys, although it had all the ingredients I normally like: tormented creative song writer with mental issues, haunted by former self singer. I honestly could not care less about this band. While sitting in my NetFlix queue, I, for the longest time, thought this was a mocumentary. The songs remind of the could-have-been songs written for fictional rock films set in the late 60's early 70's. Speaking of songs, since I've watched this documentary, I've run across quite a few videos of various bands doing the song September Gurls. I'm sure I've heard this song in the past and wondered what the heck I was hearing. In an odd twist of fate, this song does tend to stick to the noodle.

I think Alex Chilton had Miley Cyrus syndrome (too famous too young) as he went on to front a punk band among other endeavors. Honestly, don't call yourselves Big Star and don't call your first album #1 Record - the Godz of Pride can see you a mile away.

On the other hand I cannot seem to get enough of the poster child for tormented creative artist Syd Barrett. He wrote and sang the bulk of the songs in the early days of Pink Floyd. When full blown madness set in and Syd had to go, the rest of band were at a loss; what do we do now? Ahh….yes….

Dallas Buyers Club

The Oscar buzz got me, and like a bunch of other folks, worked up to see Dallas Buyers Club. I took my cat to the vet a few weeks ago and we got on the subject of absolutely needing to watch DBC.

Wow. This film actually looks like it was filmed in 1985. Kudos to the sound guy. Little touches like hearing a train in distance and I remember hearing church bells at one point added to the realism. I get the Oscar thing now too. Pretty darn impressive acting; Matthew and Jared just gobbled up their roles.

For me it was a movie about being told your options and you deciding to make your own options.

I think this is an important film, least we forget how ignorant people were about AIDS and how it ultimately affected both the homosexual and non-homosexual communities.  Please don't forget Ryan White. Ryan, a life long hemophiliac,  was given a very short time to live after he was diagnosed with AIDS.  Ryan received weekly transfusions of Factor VIII which was contaminated. Nearly 90% of hemophiliacs who received transfusion using Factor VIII between 1979 and 1984 became infected.

It's also an important film because it clearly shows how our treatment of gay men has evolved. Back in the day, not only was it not acceptable to society to be gay, it wasn't acceptable to have gay friends. I remember people asking me, "How can you be friends with that queer?" Good point - if only his knuckles were closer to the ground he'd be the perfect beast. Times have changed. Everyone wants to have a gay friend. I belong to film buff group and the chicks practically cat fight over the gay couple in the group. "They're my gay friends, I go to their house." "They're my gay friends, I go to their house and watch movies."

Oddly enough, I was at Farm Aid April 7, 1990 @ the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis. Rumor had it that Elton John was visiting Ryan White and was going to make an appearance. This was pre-internet, so it was all speculation. When he appeared on stage, it became so surreal. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the house.

Finding Vivian Maier

I want to see this movie!

What riveting images!

Never Take Candy From a Stranger and These are the Damned.

OHohoh! Two more flicks from British studio Hammer Film Productions. Both movies came on one DVD. The first: Never Take Candy From a Stranger (British title: Never Take Sweets From a Stranger). Very well done! The acting is spot on. Unbelievably suspenseful. The trailer is quite clever too.

Interesting handling of subject matter ahead of its time. The Canadian court room scenes are so intense. 

This movie comes right out swinging. Nothing could be better than. The Carter family move to a new town to accept Mr. Carter's new position of school principal. The good times come to a screeching halt when Jean and her friend Lucille visit Mr. Olderberry Sr for "free" candy.  What seems like a slam dunk case against a pedophile, ends up with practically the entire town shunning the Carter family; the writing is on the wall - Drop the case. 

Even though Jean's parents are behind her on the case, the drop all charges. They don't really have a choice. As predicted by Mr. Olderberry Jr., the prosecuting attorney chews Jean up and spits her out. Jean's parents feel it is just too much for her and pull the plug. 

The entire town turns a blind eye and blames the girls, meanwhile Mr. Carter resigns and the family plans to move. But wait….there's more…

Don't let the movie post fool you; this film is a must see! Talk about an art house poster child! It's sci-fi lite, it's surreal, it's teen rebellion, it's a government conspiracy and it all comes together is a desperate escape attempt. Oh, and it has about the coolest opening theme song ever.

Hands down, this is one of my fav images from the movie. The ever dashing Oliver Reed stars as Teddy Boy King who uses his lovely sister Joan to lure tourist to back alley ways to be mugged. 

This film is loaded with fantastic camera work. Very interesting camera angles employed though out. 

To be quite honest, I'd rather watch a black and white film than today's digital gagas. Ugh. When I watch a film in a theater proper it just looks, well, too proper. Black and white seems to caress shadows and texture making them both seem slightly other worldly. 

There's no happy ending here. Again, I love a film that doesn't wrap everyone in a nice happy bow. 

A Clockwork Orange came 10 years or so years later, but there is clear influence from this film. King and his Teddy Boy cronies are a precursor to Alex and his Droogs. Both groups wear hats, King/Alex walk around with a cane/umbrella, and they aren't a nice lot. In both films there's a sculptress whose work is trashed. 

American Beauty

Based on conversations at work, I added American Beauty to my NetFlix DVD queue. I'd watched it when it came out in theaters back in the day. I loved the darkness about it but I wanted to see what my thoughts would be today. I remember reading a small paragraph announcing a new HBO show Six Feet Under which it first came out. I was intrigued by the description, but when I saw Alan Ball's name attached, it was a done deal.

I got tired of the use of red roses and I'm guessing that is part of the point. Something that's so beautiful can be ugly when it's over done or just too beautiful. Maybe that's part of the message; finding beauty where it's not obvious is much more real and lasting.

There has been a lot written about this movie. I find that fascinating when a film lives on while being dissected by the masses who are so clever at such things. Here's a link to a blog posting that focuses on the theory that in reality there wasn't just a lot of red, but there was a lot of red, white, and blue throughout the movie.

There are some opinions I don't agree with. I don't agree that Carolyn was materialistic. Wanting to live in a nice neighborhood, have lovely furniture, and wanting to succeed are not necessarily bad traits to have. Lester was just way too self-centered. I think Buddy broke off the affair because he was embarrassed that the cuckhold hubby was working at a burger joint. "If I work out, a sixteen year old girl will want me." Uh…..yeah…

I have to admit, though, if I'd met someone like Ricky when I was Jane's age, I would have just flipped!   He was mysterious, artistic, and he didn't worship someone Angela. HHm….that's another point I've just realized: things that seem beautiful maybe aren't so much in another light.

I've worked places where there was some hot chick (listen to me bashing beauty - seriously I would like to be beautiful for just 1 week and try it out) who  guys would just go ape over. They usually had the personalities of plastic bags (well, not really, I'm just having a mean streak today). I remember one chick who had really long straight blonde hair the guys were gaga over. There was a married guy in another department who made no bones about how hot he thought she was. One day, someone let out loudest scream that everyone in the tiny building heard. It turns out the guy who was flipping over her got brave and decided to touch her hair. Turns out she had a thing about having her hair touched. Somebody got in trouble.

I worked with another guy who talked about how he met his hot wife at a dirt bike race and got her to leave with him. We all told him to bring her in, we'll be the judge of how hot she is. Dennis was a nice enough guy, but he was no GQ model. His wife was a knock out! She was easily a foot taller than him. Her legs were longer than I am tall. She had what I would describe as mermaid hair.  After she left I had to tell him how frackin' smokin' she was. I will never forgot that he turned to me and said, "Two words; high maintenance."

Love Hurts, Actually / The Monkey Poet

I caught a performance of Matt Panesh, aka Monkey Poet's Love Hurts, Actually @ Indy Fringe last night! Matt is one ball of absolute creative energy. If you get a chance see this guy - GO!  Matt does a sort of shrink to the tiniest bits then blow up large version of the movie "Love Actually". His Alan Rickman is just sublime. He finishes up his performance with his own stand up poetry show. Clever lad, that.

The evening performance opened up with two local slam poetesses - Januarie York and Gabrielle Patterson. The ladies rock it. I had seen Gabrielle perform before and was just blown away. I'd always wanted to see Januarie; now I know why.



This is not your mother's moon in june kind of poetry. This stuff is raw, emotional, and in your face.

Alibi

I watched Alibi last night via a library DVD. I just love this stuff! Chick Williams gets out of the big house, hooks up with a dame, and hooks up with a gang. Joan's (the dame) father (a copper) tries to frame Chick for a recent fur heist/murder. Her father has help from a fellow copper who had/has a soft spot for Joan.

The speakeasy scenes had art deco a-go-go walls and doors. The speakeasy dancers and singers are a hoot! There is one number where the girls all have a hand mirror.

The under cover cop had a death scene that went on so long I thought it was going to be finished on an additional DVD. 

I highly recommend watching these classic films; they stand the test of time and you can clearly see that practically every film noir to follow has a bit of DNA in it from these predecessors. 

True Romance

I saw this movie when I it came out in 1993 and loved it. Quentin Tarantino script directed by Tony Scott. True Romance stars just about everybody - Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Brad Pitt, Gary Oldman, Christopher Walken, Val Kilmer, Dennis Hopper, Chris Penn, Samuel L Jackson, James Gandolfini. I love the premise; A novice (4th date in 3 days) call girl is hired by a comic books store worker's boss to give him a good time on this birthday. They hook at a Sonny Chiba film fest and things are not quite the same after that. 

Very eclectic characters and great acting, but something just doesn't quite click this time around. I really didn't like the movie as much I thought I did at one point. Maybe it's seeing so many films directed by Tarantino and realizing Tony Scott just does not quite hit the mark. It almost seems to be made by a Tarantino wanna be. Tony Scott has directed some amazing films; he gets close here, but manages to miss the mark. 

Clifford Worley, played by Hopper, was a weak character up to the point where he stands up to Coccotti. Maybe that's how were supposed to see him; he seems completely worthless, but will not snitch on Clarence. Some other characters just didn't seem to quite it the mark; close but no cigar. No, I am not a movie director. I think that maybe I've been ruined by watching so many Tarantino movies that I expect his directorial handling of his scripts. 

The Parting Glass

Not sure what clicks led me to this video for Tullamore Dew Whiskey, but what a lovely find. It has so many things that appeal to me; rain, moss, thin guys in hats, and a very beautiful tune. I want to buy a bottle whiskey and watch moss grow in a church cemetery.



I get cold chills watching this performance.



Yet another great whisky advert video featuring Robert Carlyle of "Trainspotting" and "The Full Monty" fame.

Mungo Jerry - In the Summertime

Ok, so technically it's not "the summertime", but…man, we could do with some outdoor green-ness!

Any time I hear this song, I just smile and think about green grass, a summer sun just a blazin', windows down….cruising. I had no idea it was a British band; thank you internets.

The band seems to be having such a good time. I must admit it's a pretty nice video considering it was shot in 1970. It captures the moment perfectly.  I dig the clothing - the banjo player has on a killer pair of boots.

The Crash Reel

I've been stoked to watch The Crash Reel since I read about it in Outdoor magazine last year which had a great article about how common TBIs are and how these athletes aren't covered by insurance. Some folks move in with their families for recovery and some folks never leave. Everyone should see this documentary.

While preparing for the 2010 Olympics and poised to beat rival Shaun White, Kevin Pearce suffers a massive head injury. With the help of his fantastic family, Kevin attempts to retrain his fragile brain and   rebuild his dramatically altered post-TBI life. His family is just amazing. The movie isn't just about Kevin. One of the highlights of the film is when his brother David shares his frustration of having to live with Down syndrome. David is very frank with Kevin at the family meeting concerning Kevin returning to snowboarding. 

One of the most disturbing scenes to watch is when Kevin and his mom visit Trevor Rhoda, who is currently into TBI #2. I did a little surfing to find out his history. It turns out some of his relatives clearly had no clue how fragile the TBI brain becomes. It's mind blowing. He was literally back out doing what he did pre-TBI in less than a year post-TBI. His initial recovery was so quick, his family/friends must've thought it was green light for all actively. We learn with Kevin that the post-TBI brain cannot sustain any sort of jarring let alone another injury. The doctor also shows Kevin the scars in his brain tissue.

It is heart wrenching watching Rory Bushfield talk about Sarah Burke. Sarah died in January, 2012 due to an accident in the same half pipe in Park City. I've looked at a few videos of the two of them together in interviews; they are so happy and clearly they are the each other's soul mate. 

This is the best film - not just best documentary - I've seen since Medora. Warning: You won't care much for Shaun White after watching this. His exclusive for-me-only Red Bull half-pipe was always a problem for me, but when you see what he does when Kevin starts winning competitions, it will really turn you off of the Flying Tomato.

Addendum: I could not get this film out of my head, so I watched it again. Honestly, I could pop it again and watch it a third time; it's that good. Something else that's been bugging me - Shaun White's performance in the Sochi Olympics. You know he must've planned on pulling out some kick ass tricks. I would like to think that the popularity and reality of this film is gnawing at him. He admits to about 9 concussions in the film. I think he's attached himself to "what if" and can't shake it off.